How to Transcend Fear in the Face of Change: It Wasn’t a Leap of Faith
When I finally quit my corporate job, I didn’t really have a chance to feel any fear around my decision until much, much later. Though there were many things that had occurred over time that culminated into this final act, there were also some more recent events that quite literally pushed me over the finish line. My daughter had broken her leg two weeks prior requiring major surgery and full time care, my boyfriend and I were struggling, and the one-to-one I just had with my newish boss was so unprofessional, I didn’t see how we could ever have another conversation - like for the rest of my life.
I spent that weekend with my sister in Las Vegas NOT semi-ironically seeing Barry Manilow as we had planned (because he got sick) and on the short flight home from Vegas to L.A. that was essentially a 41-minute panic attack, I texted Tess, “I am not doing well.” But my life didn’t feel like it was falling apart - it felt like it was coming together, albeit painfully.
Tess flew out that same night to check on me, we chatted until we fell asleep and then I sent my resignation the next day. The funny thing is that when the you-know-what hits the fan, your values can become so very clear and urgent, you have to act on them. The things going on outside of work, though stressful, had me focused and grounded in my priorities. I already knew that I needed to go, but I hadn’t quite started the planning phase of my exit when I found myself writing that letter. I guess I felt like I had more time, but if I’m honest, after months of taking the lead on trying to make things work, part of me was hoping for a miracle.
But time ran out and no miracle came.
CREATING A VISION
A couple of months later, I got down to the business of putting together a vision for what my future life could look like, if it was the one that I could imagine, honestly and without shame for any self-indulgence. Before being able to open myself up completely to engage in this process, I had to first confront the fears that had slowly started to build since I had quit. I didn’t want to pre-edit my vision because of fear.
Financially, I was fine (I had worked it out and knew what my Plan A, Plan B and Plan C were), and in the end, I was willing to invest in myself. I knew deep in my bones I was going to be OK, but still, I was starting to have real anxiety about the future.
You’re too old to start over.
You’re too tired and will never have the energy to put into something else.
You’ll never be able to work for anyone again.
Your family will think you’re crazy.
I was always able to interrupt the loop of unhelpful thoughts, but they would eventually come back. Working with my executive coach and a process she called Truth about Fears, we took each of these fears (and a few others) and debunked them with evidence from my own life. The thing is, behind every one of these fears, there was truth - a truth that told another story.
I am too old to start over. I don’t feel old, I feel young. I am still capable of the love, joy and feats characterized by youth, but I am so much wiser and more comfortable in my skin now! Plenty of women have reinvented themselves in their 50s and beyond and there is no reason that I can’t. Age is not a real barrier and I have a lot more to give.
You’re too tired and will never have the energy to put into something else. Yes, I am tired right now, but when I feel rested, centered and connected, I will seek and discover work that complements my life and creative passions. When I discover my ideal career path, I will be disciplined and committed to making it happen. It’s what I have always done and what I will continue to do.
You’ll never be able to work for anyone ever again. If and when I decide to work for others, I will choose what and who is right for me. I am in control.
Your family will think you’re crazy. Historically, my family has supported every difficult decision I have ever made - and those who matter to me the most will always love me and support my journey. I have no valid reason to believe it will be any different this time.
For the full list of my fears and the truths that came from them, just ask! Send a note to kim@saronge.com with the subject line: Truth About Fears.
With the exploration of each fear, came a truth that was definitive, positive and undeniable.
I focused on the truths of my fears and made them my mantra, put my vision on paper, and identified the barriers to reaching my vision. These barriers weren’t fears - they were things that needed my attention to get to where I wanted to go.
WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE PROCESS
You’re not alone. Everyone has fears. You are not alone, even in the very specific ones you feel.
Fear is a part of life. You cannot suppress fear for long. Like most emotions, you have to make room for fear and be curious about what it has to teach you. If you try to ignore fear, it’ll come find you.
Fear is vital to change. You cannot successfully make big changes, confidently or with authenticity, without recognizing and addressing fear. Decisions made in the throws of fear are rarely the right ones.
Fear can ultimately lead to strength. By replacing your inner dialogue with the truths of your fears, you can eliminate the negative self-talk that fear can create, and create positive momentum towards change.
IT’S YOUR TURN
In my case, because of what was going on in my life, my values were showing up and pushing me to act ahead of having a plan - it wasn't a leap of faith - and that push was stronger than any fear I had at that time. But the fears did come and leveling with them is vital to moving forward.
If you’re thinking about making a change in your career, but you’re having doubts, it’s OK! At Saronge, we can help you explore the fears that are getting in the way of you making the career change that is right for you - and be with you you every step of the way in realizing the career you have always wanted!
