The Day I Chose Myself
Ugh. After 28 years of writing for business, I find myself struggling to write creatively. I’ve spent years cutting emails down to the shortest possible sentence, throwing in bullet points or underlining points, hoping the recipient would process it all and meet the deadline. Then there’s contract writing—making sure deliverables were clear, keeping a bit of wiggle room for us, but enough to get the client to sign off. I was good at it, but now I feel like I’ve become robotic in my writing.
So yeah, I’m struggling to find my natural voice again, so bear with me as I try to shake off all that dry corporate-speak I worked so hard to cultivate (especially the male-friendly language). If you catch me slipping, show me the way! I’m going to need your help.
I thought I’d start by sharing the straw that broke the camel’s back—why I finally left my job in higher education. Honestly, I’m shocked I stuck around as long as I did. The university I was targeting had the exact type of insurance my family needed and great college benefits, but in the end I was hanging on by my fingernails just trying to make it one more year to “retire” and keep these important benefits. Otherwise, I would’ve left long before.
My husband used to shake his head at the level of misogyny I dealt with. He’d say, “I don’t think you’re going to make it.” Somehow, I did, but not without consequences. I stayed too long—there were so many red flags.
Co-dependent management calls us a “family.”
Managers telling me they loved me. No, thank you.
Complaints about my tone. How many men hear that one?
Calling me during my vacation over nothing.
Watching people regularly devolve into rudeness, aggression, and crying in meetings.
These behaviors were all considered normal.
I did my best to set boundaries, brush off the immaturity, address bad behavior directly, and remove myself from unproductive meetings. I tried to rise above it, I told myself it didn’t affect me. What I learned later was that it was a lie I was telling myself. It affected me deeply.
At one point, I had another job offer on the table. I was ready to leave, but my manager found out and offered me a new title and salary. I had an incredible year—pulled off Herculean work and basically saved them as a company. But they hemmed and hawed over the salary I was asking for. They just couldn’t do it. I accepted a lower title and salary.
Meanwhile, the man above me listed all my successes as his own and finagled a 90% raise for himself. That, my friends, was the moment I made a plan, and six months later, I was out of there.
Looking back, I can’t believe I hung on that long. But I also can. We deal with so much - microaggressions, chauvinistic coworkers, and managers to name a few - and still produce impeccable work. Women are so strong. And we’re also so much better than this and need to know when to let go, and do so with the confidence that we will be ok. That’s what drives me—helping women expect more, earn more, and know when to walk away. Better yet, get the skills to start your own thing, where you set the tone and get all the credit. Because there’s always a next for us.
Welcome to Saronge. It’s HER move.
