Winning by Simply Letting Go
As I sat down to capture my thoughts in the last several hours of 2024, I did so with less levity than I think most people would expect - including myself. What was on my mind?
Water skiing.
When I was a kid in the 80s, my family would water ski at the Salton Sea out here in the California desert. I would sit on my dad’s lap as he drove the boat and watch my older sister start out OK, then slowly lose her balance and get dragged around - taking on quite a bit of saltwater - before my dad would swing around and ask, “Why didn’t you let go?”
Some of the most entertaining stories are those where our hero struggles, fights and (after much suspense) wins! Never giving up and never letting go. Riding off into the sunset as her life starts to fall into place just off camera. Who doesn’t love this kind of story? The drama, the arc! But this is not reality. Life is simultaneously much more simple and much more complex than that. Letting go is not giving up when you’re drowning, and when you’re drowning, sometimes you just want something to hold onto.
As I look back on 2024, I can’t help but see the simplicity - even the effervescence - of winning complex battles by letting go. For me, letting go of what was, letting go of how I expected things to be, letting go of the sense of security that comes from working for others in exchange for freedom to grow in my own direction, and letting go of people that didn’t deserve anymore of my light, my knowledge or my time. And by doing so, making letting go a lifeline to embrace myself and make space for new opportunities.
Letting go is not easy, no matter what you are letting go of (a job, a person, an idea you have about yourself), but I believe it is critical in leading a mentally healthy life. Tired of hanging on? Good. Here is what I have learned about letting go, and you can do it, too.
DON’T WORRY, WHEN YOU’RE DONE, YOU’LL KNOW
How do you know if it’s time to let go? Stop making lists, or asking friends what you should do. When you know, you know. Instead, invest time in collecting data through observation and make the next best step for you without a focus on controlling the outcome. The more you understand your own values and how they intersect with other parts of your life, and start to act on them, the more clear any big decision will become. Self confidence insulates you from fear and anxiety so if you feel a change coming, this is a good time to understand yourself better and learn to trust yourself with the help of a professional, like us!
DON’T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS ON WHAT WENT WRONG? WRITE YOUR OWN STORY AND THEN FILE IT AWAY - FOR GOOD.
Have you been fired? Gaslighted? Guess what? You don’t need all of the answers to move on. Decide upon and document the narrative that is the most true account of what happened based on what you know - and commit to it. Once you do, no longer seek additional information or spend any time rewriting or reimagining it - or even defending it. You’re allowed to make mistakes so you don’t need to create a narrative where you come out clean. If you share any blame in what happened, own your piece with self-compassion and note what you learned.
HONOR YOUR DECISION BY PROTECTING YOUR PEACE
You’re all packed up and ready to move on, but you’ve got some people who don’t want to leave the station yet. Whether it’s a boss that implores you to stay by making empty promises, or colleagues that rehash and gossip like it’s an Olympic sport, it’s time to set some boundaries - and enforce them. It doesn’t mean you need to be mean or totally cut people off. Modifying your relationship, or the way you behave within a relationship, is a much healthier alternative, but you will need to be very clear for yourself and for others what works for you and what does not.
ADDRESS YOUR FEARS
Don’t want that “lost-at-sea” feeling? When making big changes, fears can come at any time. Insulate yourself from fear with the truth of who you are, and arm yourself with the self confidence that comes with it. For more on transcending fear.
HOLD SPACE FOR YOURSELF WHILE YOU PUT A PLAN TOGETHER
Once you have decided to let go, you don’t have to act right away. Celebrate your decision and then get the right resources behind you to start working on your plan. While you are doing so, focus on and nurture those activities that bring you energy and reinforce your values and the decision you have made for yourself. Decided to leave a toxic job? Insulate yourself as much as you can as you work on your exit. Have you decided to stay put and adjust your expectations? Get granular on your narrative, how you will find happiness in your work, and ongoing boundary-setting with a professional.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU ARE DOING IT RIGHT?
A true sign of letting go is emotional relief but also a healthy anxiety (excitement) about and openness to what is to come. Focused on the present and the future, you should no longer be ruminating over those annoying mental reels that kept you up at night. You’re lighter and you’re moving on!
In 2025, let us help you let go of what is no longer serving you. You’ll walk away with a deep understanding and articulation of your values, the personal power and vision to uphold them and a game plan to get you where you’d like to be. You’re a lot closer than you think.
